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The Positive Power Of A Negative Miracle
Gillian Clarke
When you meet Gillian you see a small apparently gentle woman; when you speak to her, she evinces strength; and when you begin to know her, you cannot help but stand in awe of this magnificent woman who has overcome great adversity to become a woman of substance and strong faith.
Gillian Clarke, Chief Executive Officer of CC Limited, (the Customs Brokers who Care), is a Trinidad and Tobago Cancer Society volunteer. She gives lectures on cancer for the Society. Not an easy thing for her to do, after having been thrown unceremoniously into one of life’s most turbulent experiences: the death of her husband and life partner. He succumbed to colorectal cancer, which in January 2005 metastasized to his lung and then his brain.
Someone once asked her to define faith: She paused and then answered, “Faith is that you know, that no matter if the things you pray for don’t materialize, no matter life’s sometimes negative outcomes, God takes you through them.” Having survived a difficult passage, this little woman of faith can now reflect on how the power of positivity was carefully instilled in her by God.
“I met my husband at 19 when my life was a mess,” she says, pauses and then adds, “But I knew immediately God had sent him to me.’ She then smiles, “I can smile now, from the heart. My laughter has come back, my smile has come back. My purpose has been outlined. You see, I used to worship my husband. When he died, I died, my dreams died with him. But God takes you through the darkness and He shows you the light, if you will trust in Him...
She talks of the many lessons that she learnt while her husband struggled for life seven times over. “God taught me how to be a true leader. I had to act as head of both my domestic household as well as of a collapsing business rocked by depleted finances. A business in which I was not ever previously involved.”
“I had to be counsellor to my children, the business staff and my family. To make matters worse my mother was also diagnosed with breast cancer whilst my husband lay on his death bed. “His treatment, his diet and his fragile mental state all had to be managed. I had to understand how a proud man felt, who before his illness was accustomed to doing everything for himself. Leadership meant putting him first. There was no time to think of self.” Gillian talked of training herself to provide palliative care to her dying husband. She became a dietician and also specialized in colostomy and stoma care. With her doleful eyes and pensive smile, she begins another confession. “I became an expert at prayer. I talked to God and sought Him out at every opportunity. My enduring relationship with God started at this crucial time in my life.
You can only understand a part of it.” “You see,” she said, “when you face illness at this level you have to try and comprehend the delicate ego of men, and how difficult it is for them to accept helplessness imposed on them by a fatal illness. It was truly a difficult time.” She assumes a vacant stare, then coming back to the present she says “My greatest lesson is that I learnt to love unconditionally.”
She says that some people have described her as extremely, cold and distant. She however believes that it was part of her maturing process. “I have learnt that life is fragile, it’s fleeting.” “My healing has taken place at another level.” She stops; she looks up and then speaks in her cool melodious tone “God has called me to do several things. I am now doing them.” Gillian currently lectures on a volunteer basis for the Cancer Society and gets the opportunity to share her story and to help in the education of cancer victims from various perspectives. A mother, a wife, a daughter, a helpmate.
She is currently CEO of CC Limited & Zen World Logistics, Customs Brokers who Care. She is pursuing a third degree, this time in Law. She has also become a graded Customs Clerk. She was PRO for the Widowed Divorced and Separated, and at present is team leader for Job Placement and Apprenticeship for the Re-Integration of Ex-Offenders Centre.
She wants other women who are sharing the burden of Cancer to know that their trials are there to strengthen and build them and take them to the next level, the level where God wants them to be. “My healing” she says, “comes from giving to others.” She encourages women to look for miracles that occur in every day life, which she admits has not been easy for her but through God everything became possible. “I am now able to write up a vision for the future. I am now able to dream again. I now know who my true friends are. I understand the power of love and family.”
She pauses, becomes very pensive then smiles again. “I still appreciate the simplicity of life. I am still misunderstood by many but I give thanks to GOD I have trusted in Him and cast my cares on Him. He can carry the burdens that I can’t. I have a new smile, a fresh smile.” As a powerful woman of God said quite recently, “APPRECIATE THE WINTERS OF YOUR LIFE BECAUSE SPRING COMES RIGHT AFTER.’